Wicked: An EKP retelling

It’s been a long, long time since we were on the same wavelength as Show. If we were, the boys would be safely ensconced in Hamburg having sexytiems with Marc, Vanessa would have taken over as the new Centre physician (degree? we don’t need no stinking degree!!), Marian would have enrolled in a 12-step recovery program and realised that hooker-look-alikes might not be the best way to deal with grief, and Simone would have abandoned her puritanical black lace garb for a cadre of 20-something towel-boys. Also, there would be a lot more singing, a lot more meta, and one very special green girl…

We created this for Amilee, our littlest Eskimo. We hope it brings her some much needed laughter and relief from Dreary World. This is a fanwork; no infringement or ownership is intended.

WICKED: The Untold Story
of the Witches of Essen
An Aldi-Lilith Production


No One Mourns the Wicked
(performed by Isabelle, Marian, Lena,
Peter Bergmann, Claudia Bergmann, others)

CITIZENS OF ESSEN:
Good news! She’s dead!
The Witch of the West is dead!
The wickedest witch there ever was
The enemy of all of us here in Essen
Is Dead!
Good news!
Good news!

SOMEONE ON YOUTUBE:
(spoken) Look! It’s Izzie!

ISABELLE
(spoken) Fellow Essians:
(sung) Let us be glad, let us be grateful
Let us rejoicify that goodness could subdue
The wicked workings of Jenny (who?)
Isn’t it nice to know that good will conquer evil?
The truth we all believe’ll by and by
Outlive a lie for you and –

SOMEONE ON YOUTUBE
No one mourns the Wicked

A GERMAN FAN
No one cries “She won’t return!”

MAX
No one lays a lily on her grave

MARIAN
The good man scorns the Wicked!

LENA
Through their lives, our children learn

ALL
What we miss, when we misbehave…

ISABELLE
And Goodness knows the Wicked’s lives are lonely
Goodness knows the Wicked die alone
It just shows when you’re Wicked
You’re left only on your own

ALL
Yes, Goodness knows the Wicked’s lives are lonely
Goodness knows the Wicked cry alone
Nothing grows for the Wicked
They reap only what they’ve sown

ISABELLE
(spoken) Are people like Jenny Steinkamp born Wicked?
Or do they have Wickedness thrust upon them?

Take Katja Bergmann, for example. After all, she had a father.
She had a mother, as so many do…

PETER BERGMANN
How I hate to go and leave you lonely

CLAUDIA BERGMANN
That’s alright – it’s only just one night

PETER BERGMANN
But know that you’re here in my heart
While I’m out of your sight

ISABELLE
(spoken) And like every family – they had their secrets

RICHARD STEINKAMP
Have another drink, my red-haired beauty
I’ve got one more night left, here in town
So have another drink of Maxivodka
And we’ll have ourselves a little mixer
Have another swallow, little lady,
And follow me down…

ISABELLE
(spoken) And of course, from the moment she was born,
she was… well – different.

MIKE
It’s coming! (POP!)

PETER BERGMANN
Now?

MIKE
The baby’s coming! (POP!)

PETER BERGMANN
And how!

MIKE AND PETER BERGMANN
I see a nose
I see a curl
It’s a healthy, perfect,
Lovely, little –

PETER BERGMANN
(spoken) Ach du Scheiße!

CLAUDIA BERGMANN
(spoken) What is it? What’s wrong?

MIKE
(Sung) How can it be?

PETER BERGMANN
What does it mean?

MIKE
It’s atrocious!

PETER BERGMANN
It’s obscene!

MIKE AND PETER BERGMANN
Like a froggy, ferny cabbage
The baby is unnaturally

ALL
Green!

PETER BERGMANN
(spoken) Take it away… take it away!

ISABELLE
(spoken) So you see – it couldn’t have been easy!

ALL
No one mourns the Wicked!
Now at last, Jenny’s dead and gone!
Now at last, there’s joy throughout the Centre
And Goodness knows we know what Goodness is
Goodness knows the Wicked die alone

* * * * *

Dear Old Centre
(performed by Grünwald, Isabelle, skaters)

GRÜNWALD
(spoken) Izzie! Is it true – were you her friend?!

ISABELLE
(spoken) Well – it depends on what you mean by “friend.” I did know her. That is, our paths did cross. At training…

SKATERS
O hallowed rink and locker room stink
The proudliest sight there is
When we’re old as dirt and our box of woe burned
We shall still revere the lessons learned
In our days at the dear old Centre
Our days at the dear old…

ISABELLE
Oh–oh–oh–oh–old…

SKATERS AND ISABELLE
Dear old Centrrrrrre…

* * * * *

The Wizard and I
(performed by Katja and Claudia Bergmann)

CLAUDIA BERGMANN
(spoken) Oh, Miss Katja…

(sung) Many episodes I have waited for a gift like yours to appear
Why, I predict our star trainer could make you his magic star skater here!
My dear, my dear, I’ll write at once to Mr. Wild, tell him of you in advance
With a talent like yours, dear, there is a defin-ish chance
If you work as you should you’ll be making good…

KATJA
Did that really just happen? Have I actually understood?
This weird quirk I’ve tried to suppress or hide
Is a talent that could help me meet the Wizard
If I make good so I’ll make good…

When I meet the Wizard, once I prove my worth
And then I meet the Wizard, what I’ve waited for since – since birth!
And with all his skating wisdom, by my looks, he won’t be blinded
Do you think Roman Wild is dumb? Or, like Hartwig, so sneer-minded?
No! He’ll say to me, “I see who you truly are – a girl who won’t run off the ice!”
And that’s how we’ll begin, my trainer and I…

Once I’m with the Wizard my whole life will change
‘Cause once you’re with the Wizard, no one thinks you’re strange!
No mother is not proud of you, no sisters act ashamed
And all of Essen has to love you when by the Wizard you’re acclaimed
And this gift – or this curse – I have inside, maybe at last, I’ll know why
When we are hand and hand – my trainer and I!

And one day, he’ll say to me, “Katja, a girl who is so superior
Shouldn’t a girl who’s so good inside have a matching exterior?
And since folks here to an absurd degree seem fixated on your verdigris
Would it be all right by you if I de-greenify you?”
And though of course that’s not important to me
“All right, why not?” I’ll reply.
Oh, what a pair we’ll be, the Wizard and I…
Yes, what a pair we’ll be, the Wizard and…

Unlimited, my future is unlimited
And I’ve just had a vision, almost like a heartbeat.wav
I know – it sounds truly crazy, and true, the vision’s hazy
But I swear, someday there’ll be a celebration throughout Essen
That’s all to do with me!

And I’ll stand there with my trainer feeling things I’ve never felt
And though I’d never show it I’ll be so happy, I could melt!
And so it will be for the rest of my life, and I’ll want nothing else till I die
Held in such high esteem, when people see me, they will scream
For half of Essen’s fav’rite team: My trainer and I!

* * * * *

What Is This Feeling
(performed by Katja, Isabelle, other skaters)

KATJA
(spoken) Dearest darlingest Pumpkin Pie and Curly Fry:

ISABELLE
(spoken) My dear Tom:

BOTH
There’s been some confusion over rooming here at Oberstdorf:

KATJA
But of course, I’ll care for Icey

ISABELLE
But of course, I’ll rise above it

BOTH
For I know that’s how you’d want me to respond
Yes, there’s been some confusion
For you see, my room-mate is…

ISABELLE
Unusually and exceedingly peculiar, and altogether quite impossible to describe…

KATJA
Blonde.

ISABELLE
What is this feeling? So sudden and new?

KATJA
I felt it the moment I laid eyes on you

ISABELLE
My pulse is rushing

KATJA
My head is reeling

ISABELLE
My face is flushing

BOTH
What is this feeling? Fervid as a flame,
Does it have a name?
Yes! Loathing
Unadulterated loathing

ISABELLE
For your face

KATJA
Your voice!

ISABELLE
Your clothing

BOTH
Let’s just say – I loathe it all, ev’ry little trait, however small
Makes my very flesh begin to crawl with simple utter loathing
There’s a strange exhilaration in such total detestation
It’s so pure and strong!
Though I do admit it came on fast, still I do believe that it can last
And I will be loathing, loathing you, my whole life long!

SKATERS
Dear Isabelle, you are just too good. How do you stand it? I don’t think I could!
She’s a terror! She’s a Tartar! We don’t mean to show a bias,
But Isabelle, you’re a martyr!

ISABELLE
Well… these things are sent to try us!

SKATERS
Poor Isabelle, forced to reside with someone so disgusticified
We all just want to tell you: We’re all on your side!
We share your–

ISABELLE AND KATJA / SKATERS
What is this feeling / Loathing
So sudden and new? / Unadulterated loathing
I felt the moment / For her face, her voice
I laid eyes on you / Her clothing
My pulse is rushing / Let’s just say:
My head is reeling / We loathe it all!
Oh, what is this feeling? / Ev’ry little trait
Does it have a name? / Makes our very flesh
Yes / Begin to crawl
Ahhh / Ahhh

ALL
Loathing!

ISABELLE AND KATJA / ALL
There’s a strange exhilaration / Loathing
In such total detestation / Loathing
So pure, so strong / Loathing

SKATERS
So strong!

ISABELLE AND KATJA
Though I do admit it came on fast, still I do believe that it can last

ALL
And I will be loathing / Loathing
For forever loathing / Loathing
Truly deeply loathing / Loathing you
My whole / Loathing
Life long! Unadulterated loathing

KATJA
Boo!

* * * * *

Something Bad
(performed by Dr. Steinkamp-Schwarz, Isabelle)

DR. STEINKAMP-SCHWARZ
(spoken) Oh, Miss Isabelle – the things one hears these days. Dreadful things…

(sung) I’ve heard of a lady, a character from the WG
No longer permitted to act
Who has lost all sparkle, in fact
And the lads at Casa Wild Turkey
Who used to be issue-y and quirky
Have had plots enough, now they can only eat Fluff!
Only rumours – but still –
Enough to give pause to anyone with cause
Something bad is happening on Show…

ISABELLE
Something bad? Happening on Show?

DR. STEINKAMP-SCHWARZ
Under the surface, behind the scenes
Something baaaaaaad…
(spoken) Sorry. “Bad!”

ISABELLE
(spoken) Doctor Steinkamp-Schwarz – if something bad is happening to the scripts,
someone’s got to tell the Eskimos. That’s why we have Eskimos!
(sung) So nothing bad….

DR. STEINKAMP-SCHWARZ
(spoken) I hope you’re right…

BOTH
Nothing all that bad…

DR. STEINKAMP-SCHWARZ
Nothing truly baaaaaad….
(spoken) Sorry… “Bad”…

ISABELLE
It couldn’t happen here
On Show…

* * * * *

Dancing Through Show
(performed by Ben Steinkamp, Isabelle Reichenbach, Katja Bergmann, Mirror Twin)

BEN STEINKAMP
The trouble with Show is
They always try to teach the wrong lesson
Believe me, I’ve had enough woobie montages to know
They want you to become more callow, more shallow
So I say: why invite stress in?
Stop studying strife and learn to live “the unexamined life”…

Dancing through Show
Skimming the surface
Gliding where turf is smooth
Life just hurts less for the shirtless
Why dress too much?
When naked’s so soothing

Dancing through Show
No need to tough it
When you can slough it off as I do
Nothing matters but knowing “all that matters” is your hair!
So keep dancing through!

Dancing through Show
Swaying and sweeping
And always keeping cool
Life is fraught less when you’re thoughtless
Those who don’t try never look foolish
Dancing through Show
Shirtless and careless
Make sure you wear less, trouble is rife
Woes are fleeting, blows are glancing
When you’re dancing
Through Show…

(spoken) So – what’s the most swankified place in town?

ISABELLE
(spoken) That would be No. 7.

BEN STEINKAMP
(spoken) Sounds perfect.
(sung) Let’s go down to No. 7, we’ll meet there later tonight
We can dance till it’s light, find the prettiest girl, give ‘er a whirl:
Right on down to No. 7
Come on – follow me, you’ll be happy to be there…

ALL
Dancing through life down at No. 7

BEN STEINKAMP
If only because Fluff is what we come to…

ALL
Nothing matters but knowing “all that matters” is your hair!

BEN STEINKAMP
So keep dancing through…

TOM
(spoken) Miss Isabelle – I hope you’ll save at least one
dance for me. I’ll be right there. Waiting. All night.

ISABELLE
(spoken) Oh – that’s so kind. But you know what would be even kinder?
(sung) See that tragic’ly beautiful girl, the one on the crutches?

It seems so unfair we should go on a spree, and not she
Gee – I know someone would be my hero if that someone were to go invite her!

TOM
(spoken) Well, maybe – I could invite her!

ISABELLE
Oh, Tim, really? You would do that for me?

TOM
(spoken) I would do anything for you, Miss Isabelle!

ISABELLE
(spoken) So…

BEN STEINKAMP
(spoken) So… I’ll be picking you up around eight?

ISABELLE
(spoken) After all –
(sung) Now that we’ve met one another

BEN STEINKAMP AND ISABELLE
It’s clear – we DESERVE each other

ISABELLE
Your hair’s perfect

BEN STEINKAMP
Your hair’s perfect

BOTH
So we’re perfect together, born to be forever
Dancing through Show

KATJA
(spoken) Oh, Mirror Twin – isn’t it wonderful?

(sung) Fin’lly, for this one night I’m about to have a fun night
With this Reichenbach boy Isabelle found for me
And I only wish there were something I could do for her
To repay her, Mirror Twin, see?
We DESERVE each other, and Isabelle helped it come true
We DESERVE each other, me and Tom
(spoken) Mirror Twin, please try to understand!

MIRROR TWIN
I do… bitch.

(spoken) Isabelle – my alter ego and I were talking about you just now–

ISABELLE
(spoken) And I was just talking about you! I thought you might want
to wear this hat to the party tonight!
(sung) It’s really, uh, sharp, don’t you think?
You know – black is this year’s pink
You DESERVE each other, this hat and you
You’re both so smart, you deserve each other
So here, out of the goodness of my heart…

TOM
(spoken) Listen, Katja…

KATJA
(spoken) Yes?

TOM
Uh – Katja
I’ve got something to confess, a reason why, well –
Why I asked you here tonight, now I know it isn’t fair…

KATJA
(spoken) Oh, Tom, I know why.

TOM
(spoken) You do?

KATJA
It’s because I’m on iconic crutches and you felt sorry for me
Well – isn’t that right?

TOM
(spoken) No! No! It’s because… because…
(sung) Because you are so beautiful!

KATJA
Oh, Tom, I think you’re wonderful!
And we DESERVE each other
Don’t you see, this is our fate?
We deserve each other, don’t we, Tom?

TOM
(spoken) You know what?
(sung) Let’s skate!

KATJA
(spoken) What?!

TOM
Let’s skate!

ALL
Skating through Show down at No. 7, love
If only because Fluff is what we come to!
And the strange thing? Your life could end up changing
While you’re skating through!

* * * * *

Popular
(performed by Isabelle, Katja)

ISABELLE
(spoken) Katja – now that we’re friends, I’ve decided to make you my new project.

KATJA
(spoken) You really don’t have to do that.

ISABELLE
(spoken) I know. That’s what makes me such a bitch!
(sung) Whenever I see someone less fortunate than I
(And let’s face it – who isn’t less fortunate than I?)
My tender heart tends to start to bleed
And when someone needs a makeover
I simply have to take over
I know – I know! – exactly what they need

And even in your case, though it’s the toughest case I’ve yet to face
Don’t worry – I’m determined to succeed
Follow my lead, and yes, indeed, you will be…

Popular! You’re gonna be popular!
I’ll teach you the proper ploys when you talk to boys
Little ways to flirt and flounce (Ooh!)
I’ll show you what shoes to wear, how to fix your hair
Everything that really counts

To be popular, I’ll help you be popular!
You’ll hang with the right cohorts, you’ll be good at sports
Know the slang you’ve got to know
So let’s start ’cause you’ve got an awfully long way to go:

Don’t be offended by my frank analysis, think of it as personality dialysis
Now that I’ve chosen to become a pal, a sister and adviser
There’s nobody wiser, not when it comes to popular –

I know about popular
And with an assist from me to be who you’ll be
Instead of dreary who–you–were… well, are
There’s nothing that can stop you from becoming popu-ler… lar!

La la la la we’re gonna make you popular

When I see depressing creatures with unprepossessing features
I remind them on their own behalf to think of
Celebrated skating stars or specially great Male Function models
Did they have brains or knowledge? Don’t make me laugh!

They were popular! Please –
It’s all about popular!
It’s not about aptitude, it’s the way you’re viewed
So it’s very shrewd to be very very popular
Like me!

(spoken) Why, Miss Katja, look at you. You’re beautiful.

KATJA (spoken) I – I have to go.

ISABELLE
(spoken) You’re welcome!
(sung) And though you protest your disinterest
I know clandestinely you’re gonna grin and bear it
Your new found popularity
La la la la you’ll be popular –
Just not quite as popular as me!

* * * * *

I’m Not That Girl
(performed by Katja)

KATJA
Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I’m not that girl

Don’t dream too far
Don’t lose sight of who you are
Don’t remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I’m not that girl

Ev’ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn’t soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in

Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who’s winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That’s the girl he chose
And Heaven knows
I’m not that girl…

Don’t wish, don’t start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn’t born for the rose and pearl
There’s a girl I know
He loves her so
I’m not that girl.

* * * * *

Defying OTP
(performed by Katja, Isabelle)

ISABELLE
(spoken) Katja – why couldn’t you have stayed calm for once, instead of flying off the handle!
(sung) I hope you’re happy! I hope you’re happy now
I hope you’re happy how you hurt your plot forever
I hope you think you’re clever!

KATJA
I hope you’re happy, I hope you’re happy, too
I hope you’re proud how you would grovel in submission
To feed a soap’s ambition

BOTH
So though I can’t imagine how, I hope you’re happy right now

ISABELLE
(spoken) Katja, listen to me. Just say you’re sorry!
(sung) You can still be with Ben Steinkamp, what you’ve wept and wibbled for
You can have all you ever wanted

KATJA
(spoken) I know.
(sung) But I don’t want it –
No – I can’t want it anymore!

Something has changed within me, some balance has been tipped
I’m through with playing by the rules of someone else’s script
Too late for woobie music, too late to run off the ice
It’s time to trust my instincts, skate with open eyes!

It’s time to try defying OTP
I think I’ll try defying OTP
And you can’t write me down!

ISABELLE
Can’t I make you understand?
You’re having delusions of good plot!

KATJA
I’m through accepting soap tropes ’cause someone says they’re so
Some things I cannot change, but ‘til I try, I’ll never know!
Too long I’ve been afraid of losing love I guess I’ve lost
Well, if that’s love it comes at much too high a cost!

I’d sooner buy defying OTP
Kiss me goodbye, I’m defying OTP
And you can’t write me down!
(spoken) Isabelle – come with me. Think of what we could do – together.

(sung) Unlimited, together we’re unlimited
Together we’ll be the greatest team there’s ever been
Izzie… Dreams the way we planned ‘em

ISABELLE
If we work in tandem…

BOTH
There’s no fight we cannot win
Just you and I defying OTP
With you and I defying OTP

KATJA
They’ll never bring us down!
(spoken) Well? Are you coming?

ISABELLE
I hope you’re happy, now that you’re choosing this

KATJA
(spoken) You too
(sung) I hope it brings you bliss

BOTH
I really hope you get it, and you don’t live to regret it
I hope you’re happy in the end, I hope you’re happy, my friend

KATJA
So if you care to find me look for the Igloo on Twitter!
As someone told me lately: “Ev’ryone deserves the chance to glitter!”
And if I’m flying solo at least I’m flying free
To those who’d ground me, take a message back from me
Tell them how I am defying OTP
I’m flying high defying OTP
And soon I’ll match the Steinkamps in renown
And nobody in all of Essen, no producer with the wrong lesson
Is ever gonna bring me down!

ISABELLE
I hope you’re happy!

CITIZENS OF SOAPLAND
Look at her, she’s wicked!
Get her!

KATJA
Bring me down!

CITIZENS OF SOAPLAND
No one mourns the wicked
So we’ve got to bring her

KATJA
Ahhh!

CITIZENS OF SOAPLAND
Down!

* * * * *

Thank Goodness
(performed by Isabelle, Ben, others)

CITIZENS OF SOAPLAND
Ev’ry day, more wicked! Ev’ry day, the terror grows!
All of Essen’s ever on alert! That’s the way with Wicked –
Spreading fear where e’er she goes, seeking out new victims she can hurt!

A HYSTERICAL WOMAN
Like some terrible green tough bot throughout the land she flies:

AN OUTRAGED MAN
Defaming our poor Fluffplot with her calumnies and lies!

ALL
She lies! Save us from the Wicked!
Shield us so we won’t have to think!
Give us warning: What’ll be her next kink?
What’ll be her next kink? What’ll be her next kink!?

ISABELLE
(spoken) Fellow Essians – as terrifying as actual plot is,
let us put aside our wankstorms for this one day – and celebrate!

(sung) Oh what a celebration
We’ll have today

CROWD
Thank Goodness!

ISABELLE
Let’s have a celebration the Izzie way!

CROWD
Thank Goodness!

SIMONE STEINKAMP
Fin’lly a day that’s totally Mope!Katja–free!

CROWD
We couldn’t be happier
Thank Goodness!

ISABELLE
Yes –
We couldn’t be happier, right, dear?
Couldn’t be happier right here
Look what we’ve got, a fairy-tale plot
Our very own happy ending
Where we couldn’t be happier –
True, dear?
Couldn’t be happier, and we’re happy to share
Our ending vicariously with all of you
He couldn’t look shirtlesser, I couldn’t feel humbler
We couldn’t be happier
Because happy is what happens when all your dreams come true!

SIMONE STEINKAMP
(spoken) And Isabelle dear, we’re happy for you! As Ruhr Report’s Press Secretary,
I have striven to ensure that all of Essen knows the story of your braverism:

(sung) The day you were first summoned to an audience with Roman Wild
And although he would not tell you why initially when you bowed before his throne
He decreed you’d hence be known as Isabelle the Good – officially!

Then with a jealous squeal the Wicked Witch burst from concealment
Where she had been lurking – surreptitially!

PEOPLE IN AUDIENCE
I hear she cries mascara tears over her sister’s swing plot!
I hear she doesn’t brush her hair and gets it all in a knot!
I hear some rebel Eskimos are giving her fries and shelter!
I hear her ships are so unclean pure water will melt her!

BEN
What!?

AUDIENCE
Melt her!? Please – somebody go and melt her!

BEN
(spoken) Do you hear that – water will melt her?!
People are so empty-headed, they’ll believe anything!

ISABELLE
(spoken) Ben! Oh – yes, thanks plenty, dearest! He’s gone to
fetch me a refreshment. He’s so thoughtful that way!
(sung) That’s why I couldn’t be happier
No, I couldn’t be happier
Though it is, I admit the tiniest bit unlike I anticipated
But I couldn’t be happier, simply couldn’t be happier

(spoken) Well – not “simply”,

(sung) ‘Cause getting your dreams, it’s strange, but it seems
A little – well – complicated
There’s a kind of a sort of – cost
There’s a couple of things get – lost
There are bridges you cross, you didn’t know you crossed
Until you’ve crossed
And if that joy, that thrill doesn’t thrill you like you think it will

Still, with this perfect finale the cheers and ballyhoo
Who wouldn’t be happier?
So I couldn’t be happier
Because happy is what happens when all your dreams come true
Well, isn’t it?
Happy is what happens when your dreams come true!

AUDIENCE
We love you, Izzie, if we may be so frank

ISABELLE
Thank Goodness!

AUDIENCE
For all this joy, we know who we’ve got to thank:
Thank Goodness!
That means the Wizard, Izzie–

ISABELLE
And fiancé!

AUDIENCE
They couldn’t be goodlier, her hair couldn’t be lovelier, we couldn’t be luckier

ISABELLE
I couldn’t be happier

AUDIENCE
Thank Goodness…

ISABELLE AND AUDIENCE
Today! Thank Goodness for today!

* * * * *

Wonderful
(performed by Peter Bergmann, Katja)

PETER BERGMANN
I never asked for this
Or planned it in advance
I was merely written here
By the scripts of chance
I never saw myself
As an Etienne or Hagendorf
I knew who I was:
One of your dime a dozen
Mediocrities

Then suddenly I’m here
Respected – worshipped, even
Just because the folks in Essen
Needed someone whose head to bash in
Does it surprise you
I got hooked, and all too soon?
What can I say?
I got carried away
And not just by water balloon–

Wonderful
They called me “Wonderful”
So I said “Wonderful” – if you insist
I will be “Wonderful”
And they said “Wonderful”
Believe me, it’s hard to resist

‘Cause it feels wonderful
They think I’m wonderful
Hey, look who’s wonderful –
This cardboard crook
Who said: “It might be fab to build a boxing club
And to act duller than That Blonde Cook!”

(spoken) See – I never had a family of my own. So, I guess I just –
wanted to give the citizens of Essen everything.

KATJA
(spoken) So you lied to them.

PETER BERGMANN
(spoken) Katja, where I’m from, we believe all sorts of
things that make no sense. We call it “soap plot.”

(sung) Herr Wild’s called a traitor – or liberator
A Steinkamp’s a thief – or philanthropist
Does true love beckon – or is it ruthless homewreckin’?
It’s all in which label is able to persist
There are precious few at ease with moral ambiguities
So we act as though they don’t exist

They call me “Wonderful”
So I am wonderful
In fact – it’s so much who I am it’s part of my name
And with my help, you can be the same
At long, long last receive your due, long overdue
Katja – the most celebrated are the rehabilitated
There’ll be such a – whoop–de–doo
A celebration throughout Essen
That’s all to do – with you

Wonderful
They’ll call you wonderful

KATJA
It does sound wonderful

PETER BERGMANN
Trust me – it’s fun

BOTH
When you are wonderful
It would be wonderful?
Wonderful, wonderful

PETER BERGMANN
One! Two! And–

* * * * *

I’m Not That Girl (Reprise)
(performed by Isabelle)

ISABELLE:
Don’t wish
Don’t start
Wishing only
Wounds the heart
There’s a boy I know
She loves him so
I’m not that boy

* * * * *

As Long As You’re Mine
(performed by Katja, Isabelle)

KATJA
Kiss me too fiercely
Hold me too tight
I need help believing
You’re with me tonight
My wildest dreamings
Could not foresee
Lying beside you
With you wanting me

And just for this moment
As long as you’re mine
I’ve lost all resistance
And crossed some borderline
And if it turns out
It’s over too fast
I’ll make ev’ry last moment last
As long as you’re mine

ISABELLE
Maybe I’m brainless
Maybe I’m wise
But you’ve got me seeing
Through different eyes
Somehow I’ve fallen
Under your spell
And somehow I’m feeling
It’s “up” that I fell

BOTH
Every moment
As long as you’re mine
I’ll wake up my body
And make up for lost time

ISABELLE
Say there’s no future
For us as a pair

BOTH
And though I may know
I don’t care!
Just for this moment
As long as you’re mine
Come be how you want to
And see how bright we shine
Borrow the moonlight
Until it is through
And know I’ll be here holding you
As long as you’re mine

ISABELLE
(spoken) What is it?

KATJA
(spoken) It’s just – for the first time, I feel – (whispers) wicked!

* * * * *

No Good Deed
(performed by Katja)

KATJA
(spoken) Isabelle!
(sung) Eleka nahmen nahmen
Ah tum ah tum eleka nahmen
Eleka nahmen nahmen
Ah tum ah tum eleka nahmen

Let her flesh never burn
Let her blood leave no stain
When they beat her
Let her feel no pain
Let her bones never break
And however they try
To destroy her
Let her never die–
Let her never die!

Eleka nahmen nahmen
Ah tum ah tum eleka nahmen
Eleka nahmen nahmen
Ah tum ah tum eleka: eleka:

What good is this chanting?
I don’t even know where I’m turning!
I don’t even know what trick I ought to try
Izzie, where are you?
Already dead or burning?
One more disaster I can add to my
Generous supply?

No good deed goes unpunished
No act of charity goes unresented
No good deed goes unpunished
That’s my new creed
My road of good intentions
Led where such roads always lead
No good deed
Goes unpunished!

Roman…
Dr. Steinkamp-Schwarz…
Isabelle…
Isabelle!!

One question haunts and hurts
Too much, too much to mention:
Was I really seeking good
Or just seeking attention?
Is that all good deeds are
When looked at with an ice–cold eye?
If that’s all good deeds are
Maybe that’s the reason why

No good deed goes unpunished
All helpful urges should be circumvented
No good deed goes unpunished
Sure, I meant well –
Well, look at what well–meant did:
All right, enough – so be it
So be it, then:
Let all Essen be agreed
I’m wicked through and through

Since I can not succeed
Isabelle, saving you
I promise no good deed
Will I attempt to do again
Ever again
No good deed
Will I do again!

* * * * *

For Good
(performed by Katja, Isabelle)

KATJA
I’m limited
Just look at me – I’m limited
And just look at you –
You can do all I couldn’t do, Isabelle
So now it’s up to you
(spoken) For both of us
(sung) Now it’s up to you:

ISABELLE
I’ve heard it said
That people come into our plots for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don’t know if I believe that’s true
But I know I’m who I am today
Because I knew you

Like a photo from your wallet
Makes you turn back your cab
Like a noserub starts a legend
(And who’d have thought it could?)
Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

KATJA
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this storyline
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You’ll be with me
Like a heartbeat.wav in my head
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re–written mine
By being my friend
Like some vodka slipped in your milk
By a lover obsessed
Like a skate rammed by a rival
Into someone’s foot
Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?
But because I knew you

ISABELLE
Because I knew you

BOTH
I have been changed for good

KATJA
And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I’ve done you blame me for

ISABELLE
But then, I guess we know
There’s blame to share

BOTH
And none of it seems to matter anymore
Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?
I do believe I have been changed for the better

ISABELLE
And because I knew you–
KATJA
Because I knew you–

BOTH
Because I knew you
I have been changed for good.

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